What is a water otter?
A kettle.
--------------------------------------…
What government agency is responsible for finding lost vicars?
The Bureau of Missing Parsons.
--------------------------------------…
What is the opposite of woe?
Gee-up!
--------------------------------------…
How does a barber cut the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.
--------------------------------------…
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were having a rest in their hotel room when suddenly a tree walked in.
"Elm entry, my Dear Watson," said Holmes.
--------------------------------------…
Tourist: Can you tell me the way to Bath please?
Policeman: Well, first you turn on the hot and cold taps then ...
--------------------------------------…
Last night there was a big fight in our local fish and chip shop - a lot of fish got battered.
--------------------------------------…
I used to dress off the peg, but now my neighbours take in their washing at night.
If a farmer has two eggs for breakfast every morning, but he doesn' own any chickens and he doesn' get them from anyone else, where do the eggs come from?
From his ducks.
--------------------------------------…
If a red house is made of red bricks, a blue house is made of blue bricks and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of?
Green Bricks?
No, glass.
--------------------------------------…
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9
--------------------------------------…
Q. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
A. Because it can't sit down.
--------------------------------------…
If a girl who works in a candy store is five feet three inches tall, and wears size five shoes, what does she weigh?
Candy.
--------------------------------------…
Which burns longer, a red candle or a white candle?
Neither, they both burn shorter.
What kind of fence does your nose have?
A pickit fence.
Why can't your nose be 12" long?
Because it would be a foot.
Why did the goose cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
Johnny was having a birthday party. A mushroom walks. Johnny says, "Hey, that mushroom can't come to my party!"
The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"
What baseball players become dentists?
The New York Yankers.
What color is a burp?
Burple
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do you call a truck runs over your toe?
A toe truck.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station
Why did the orange stop half way up the hill?
Because it ran out of juice.
Where does a math student eat his lunch?
At the multiplication table.
What do you call a polar bear in the Caribbean?
Lost.
What kind of music does a trampoline like?
Hip Hop.
Why did Sammy take a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school!
Why did the sick wasp cross the road?
He needed to get to the waspital.
Where do you go to learn how to make a banana split?
Sundae School.
Where do pirates like to eat?
Argh-by's
What do you call a bat when it sounds like a bell?
Dingbat.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a dinosaur?
Jurassic Pork.
What do you call a train that has a cold?
An achoo choo train.
Why did Kevin keep his trumpet in the refrigerator?
Because he liked cool music.
What's gray and has a tail and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
What happened to the wooden car with the wooden wheels and the wooden engine?
It wooden go.
What would you call Superman if he lost his powers?
Man.
What do you call a box with six ducks in it?
A box of quackers.
When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.
How can you tell when a train has just gone by?
It left its tracks.
Why did the boy sleep under the oil tank?
To get up oily in the morning.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
Why do watch dogs run in circles?
To wind themselves up.
What did the duck and the cow have for lunch?
Quackers and milk.
What did the mother rope say to the baby rope?
Don't be knotty.
What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snailer.
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a trampoline?
A wooly jumper.
Where do sheep go to get a hair cut?
The baa baa shop.
What's the tallest building in Georgia?
The library. It has the most stories.
Why did the man put a shoe in his ear?
He
A kettle.
--------------------------------------…
What government agency is responsible for finding lost vicars?
The Bureau of Missing Parsons.
--------------------------------------…
What is the opposite of woe?
Gee-up!
--------------------------------------…
How does a barber cut the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.
--------------------------------------…
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were having a rest in their hotel room when suddenly a tree walked in.
"Elm entry, my Dear Watson," said Holmes.
--------------------------------------…
Tourist: Can you tell me the way to Bath please?
Policeman: Well, first you turn on the hot and cold taps then ...
--------------------------------------…
Last night there was a big fight in our local fish and chip shop - a lot of fish got battered.
--------------------------------------…
I used to dress off the peg, but now my neighbours take in their washing at night.
If a farmer has two eggs for breakfast every morning, but he doesn' own any chickens and he doesn' get them from anyone else, where do the eggs come from?
From his ducks.
--------------------------------------…
If a red house is made of red bricks, a blue house is made of blue bricks and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of?
Green Bricks?
No, glass.
--------------------------------------…
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9
--------------------------------------…
Q. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
A. Because it can't sit down.
--------------------------------------…
If a girl who works in a candy store is five feet three inches tall, and wears size five shoes, what does she weigh?
Candy.
--------------------------------------…
Which burns longer, a red candle or a white candle?
Neither, they both burn shorter.
What kind of fence does your nose have?
A pickit fence.
Why can't your nose be 12" long?
Because it would be a foot.
Why did the goose cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
Johnny was having a birthday party. A mushroom walks. Johnny says, "Hey, that mushroom can't come to my party!"
The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"
What baseball players become dentists?
The New York Yankers.
What color is a burp?
Burple
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do you call a truck runs over your toe?
A toe truck.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station
Why did the orange stop half way up the hill?
Because it ran out of juice.
Where does a math student eat his lunch?
At the multiplication table.
What do you call a polar bear in the Caribbean?
Lost.
What kind of music does a trampoline like?
Hip Hop.
Why did Sammy take a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school!
Why did the sick wasp cross the road?
He needed to get to the waspital.
Where do you go to learn how to make a banana split?
Sundae School.
Where do pirates like to eat?
Argh-by's
What do you call a bat when it sounds like a bell?
Dingbat.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a dinosaur?
Jurassic Pork.
What do you call a train that has a cold?
An achoo choo train.
Why did Kevin keep his trumpet in the refrigerator?
Because he liked cool music.
What's gray and has a tail and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
What happened to the wooden car with the wooden wheels and the wooden engine?
It wooden go.
What would you call Superman if he lost his powers?
Man.
What do you call a box with six ducks in it?
A box of quackers.
When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.
How can you tell when a train has just gone by?
It left its tracks.
Why did the boy sleep under the oil tank?
To get up oily in the morning.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
Why do watch dogs run in circles?
To wind themselves up.
What did the duck and the cow have for lunch?
Quackers and milk.
What did the mother rope say to the baby rope?
Don't be knotty.
What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snailer.
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a trampoline?
A wooly jumper.
Where do sheep go to get a hair cut?
The baa baa shop.
What's the tallest building in Georgia?
The library. It has the most stories.
Why did the man put a shoe in his ear?
He
